The Carravagio Turnabout
by her-imperius-condessy
Summary: After a heist is thwarted, Sollux gets help from an unexpected source. Originally intended as the start of a new series inspired by 'Leverage'. Posted a long time ago on AO3.


_"What do you mean 'the Carravagio is already gone'!"_

I had to pull my headset away from my ear for a second as it whined from feedback from Karkat's screech.

 _"Captor! What the fuck is happening?!"_

Yeah, because it was obviously my fault when anything went wrong in one of our heists. "Working on it, KK."

I was ignored. Karkat was already tearing into Terezi and Gamzee over the comms.

 _"Must've been angels, bro. Come down to take a fuckin' miracle of paint and canvas back up to the merciful heavens where it's motherfuckin' supposed to be..."_

 _"Cram your miracle shit right back up your..."_

Kanaya cleared her throat over the air, making a light crackle. _"I believe I have found some evidence that may lead to an answer."_

I accessed the lobby camera, where Kanaya stood just off frame and I zoomed in. She held what looked like an index card in her lace gloved hand. I was just able to see some neat blue handwriting before KK came skidding into the frame and snatched it away.

There was a moment of silence before Karkat growled under his breath.

 _"Egbert."_

There were mutters from everyone else, AA even swearing away in Japanese. This was the third time this had happened; a perfectly, carefully planned heist, only to be thwarted by the 'other' crew.

We knew them now, and they knew us. But none of us could figure out how they kept beating us. Something that was apparently my fault.

But their hacker was flawless- even if she was allegedly drunk half the time. After the last heist, she'd sent me a virus that blacked all my screens then flashed a happy cat face, subtitled _'WONK ;D'_

Terezi and Karkat each had issues with the other team's mastermind and thief. The leader was Vriska, but Terezi refused to talk about her, and KK had referred to them both as his 'archnemisii'.

I told him that that wasn't a word and he just flipped me off.

Aradia and the other crew's hitter had apparently met, too. But when asked, AA would just growl 'Cairo', pace around for a minute and then stalk off.

The only one Kanaya took issue with was their forger. She hinted that they'd worked together once before, in Monaco. Something had gone wrong and he bailed, leaving her behind. She had apparently sworn vengeance, or something.

I tuned KK out while he was busy cursing out Gamzee (how could it be in anyway his fault; he wasn't supposed to be monitoring everything), and tried going back through the security footage. I was only at it for a minute, when there was a sharp metallic rap on the door of the van.

I about jumped out of my chair. There was no reason for anyone to be knocking. I had deliberately parked three blocks from the gallery and my servers were damn near impenetrable. After the last incident, I had made upgrades, and was positive they were now Roxy-proof.

Well, I kept a Taser next to the door for a reason. Gripping it tight, I cracked the door open.

There was a guy standing there. He was dressed in what looked like a uniform from the gallery, and was holding onto a leather tube. This must be the forger.

"What?"

The guy shook his head. "Well, that's appreciation for you."

His accent was thick, a mix between American southern and something Baltic. "Here I come, tryin' to right a wrong, and..."

I shook my head. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

He rolled his eyes and held out the tube. "I heard your crew was gonna be takin' down that asshole lawyer, Terrance. Vris said you were comin' for this to help someway or another."

One thing I'd learned, both as a member of KK's crew and as a hacker, was to trust no one. Especially not forgers with hipster glasses. "Yeah. And?"

The guy, Douche, as I referred to him in my head, huffed loudly.

"And I need to be repayin' a debt, long overdue."

Douche set the case down and took a couple of steps back, looking annoyed.

"It's only part a' what she's owed...But I need you to tell Kan that that's for what happened in Monte Carlo."

I reached down and picked up the case. The top opened up, and I could see a part of the artwork. It looked like the Carravagio...

Douche must've read my mind. "That's the original, I promise."

I wasn't as good at reading people as Karkat and Kanaya.

"Don't believe you."

He smirked. "No, a' course you don't."

"Vriska is going to pissed."

"I got two hours before she knows anythin's wrong. I'm suggestin' you get back to your headquarters, post haste."

 _'Post haste'? Who the fuck talks that way?_

"I know he's loopy, but that clown forger a' yours can authenticate, right?"

Distantly, I could hear KK yelling over the headset I left behind me. "We have a drop time in the morning. If this isn't the original, Terrance gets away with three millions dollars."

Douche nodded. "I know. A friend a' mine was one of his victims. It's why I wanna help."

He looked genuine. "Okay, here. I'm gonna give you my phone."

Douche slowly reached down and I tightened my hold on the Taser, but he did just hold out a phone; a fancy hipster douche phone. It was purple, good fuck.

He held it out and I had to move the tube under my arm so I could snatch it, making sure to stay out of arm's reach. Pickpockets had made me paranoid, after knowing Terezi for more than three days.

"Put my number in your phone. You can do some, weird hacker voodoo shit, right?"

I could, in fact do weird hacker voodoo shit.

"Roxy might be able to block me out."

Douche smirked as I started cloning his phone. "Sol, come on. You honestly think Roxy's smarter than you? Besides, I try an' keep it away from her."

I snorted without thinking about it. "Wait. 'Sol'? What the fuck?"

He shrugged and slowly took back his phone. "We know your names."

Douche took some steps back. "You can track me down if that ain't the real painting. Now, I'm thinkin' you're gonna need to be getting back to your leader before he blows a gasket."

I glanced back for a second at the van, and when I looked around, Douche was gone.

Grumbling, I got back in and prepared to deal with KK, and probably Kanaya. Before I picked up the headset, I glanced down at the cloned information. It would be simple to look around and find out the guy's name, but I shook my head.

I preferred Douche.


End file.
